I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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