I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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