I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I have grass duct taped all over my body
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
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