so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Randomize
