So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
She even gives head with a lisp.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
