just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
