pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
