i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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