If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Randomize
