just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
