there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
