You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
