I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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