i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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