I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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