It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
