He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
