Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
