Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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