this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
