it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
