I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize