I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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