I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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