my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
