break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
