Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
