I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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