Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
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