Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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