i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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