I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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