just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
