Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
