I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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