This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
