I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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