Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
