Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
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