Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
So here I am, sexting at work.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
