ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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