can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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