Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
