I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
