His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I wear drunk well.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
