Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
