the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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