She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
