I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
When did we convert life to cartoon?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
