I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
