But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
