I could make wine with my vomit
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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