mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
