Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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