ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
