even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
