just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
