I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
