I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
