Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
