I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
