PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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