Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
