"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I'm jealous of your bromance
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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