I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
