sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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