youre lurking in front of me
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
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