My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
