He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
