You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
