You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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