GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
