I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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