I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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