well I can't set my house on fire every night
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
