it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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