apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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