I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
