There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
