didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
