fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
