i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I think people are normalizing furries
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
