I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize