Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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