I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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