It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
